


Such Great Heights

by Zakodia



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Canon - Movie, Explicit Language, Hermann so mad, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Unresolved Tension, When you hate someone but also love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-01-15 13:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12321627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zakodia/pseuds/Zakodia
Summary: "Well a peek by the lab wouldn’t hurt anyone," thought Newt as he turned to the right. Hermann probably wouldn’t be there anyways, it was like 1AM. As he approached he saw a light under the door, and he slowly pushed it open.An exploration into why Hermann and Newt are so *particularly* upset at each other during the events of the movie.





	1. Staring At The Ocean Waiting For The World To End

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic! It's been a question that's been bugging me for a while so I hope you guys enjoy my explanation. The new trailer inspired me to get off my butt and keep writing, so no guarantees on consistent updates (school and things) but I'll do my best. I hope you guys like it, and comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> There is also a fanmix I made for this fic because all the titles are songs so I've collected them and a few extras [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/ly2v95krvun6xbqe4hsl6r30e/playlist/2grhZxPPYfA24NCiJsbCIy)

The Shatterdome was deathly quiet as Newt closed the door behind him, but at least it was dry. It had been getting quieter every week as more people left and the funding got worse. How the place kept going Newt didn’t know but somehow it did. He did know, as he walked down the hall, that him and Hermann had been alone for 2 years now. All their other lab mates had gone to work on the wall or in industry. 

“Cowards” Newt muttered as the thought crossed his mind. He knew he would be here until the bitter end or until he was dead. There was nowhere else for him to go. As Hermann would say, no one else wanted a kaiju grouuupie. His mind drifted towards Hermann, as it often did, what did he do on these late nights? Newt shook his head and sighed, he needed to stop thinking of Hermann like that. He knew it wouldn’t work, he wasn’t even sure if Hermann had emotions beside math and anger. But the way that he glanced at Newton sometimes and the way he focused….well a peek by the lab wouldn’t hurt anyone, thought Newt as he turned to the right. Hermann probably wouldn’t be there anyways, it was like 1AM. As he approached he saw a light under the door, and he slowly pushed it open. There was some soft music, Newt couldn’t make out playing and all the lights were on. And there was Hermann. Passed out. On the yellow couch they managed to actually share in the back of the lab. A bottle of whiskey and a glass in front of him, obviously saved for an occasion. Newt hoped this was a good one, as he ran over the couch. 

“Hermann … Hermann wake up …” Newt said as he sat down and started to shake him. 

“Hmmmm? Oh, hello Newton,” Hermann slurred. “How nice to see you this night” he smiled at him.

“Dude what the hell happened? I didn’t know you drank!” Newton practically yelled at him, his worry and emotions taking over. 

“Oh”, Hermann looked down at the table as the smile slid from his face. “Come” he said, as he found his cane and shakily got up, almost falling back down to the couch. 

“Woah there,” Newt supported him, as he shuffled over the chalkboard. 

“I finished my equation tonight, Newton” he said starting directly at him, all trace of that drunk smile gone. He quickly turned to the board, unable to hold the stare any longer.  
“And it is the end of the world as we know it…” he stared at the mass of math in front of him. 

“Why?” Newt softly asked coming to stand beside him. 

“Well,” Hermann lifted his cane to point at the board, and stumbled again before putting it back down. “Well. The time between kaiju is decreasing, they are coming faster and faster, and in greater numbers. There is one now, then there will be two then three then four on and on” he turned quickly towards Newton, “until we’re all fucking dead.” He started to shuffle back to the couch, as Newt stood in pure shock. His excitement and his fear were mixed in equal parts. More kaiju meant more specimens, meant he might see one alive. More kaiju also meant more death and destruction, and if Hermann was right: the destruction of the world. 

“But-but-but what about the breach?” He asked running back to the couch. Hermann laughed, Newton couldn’t remember the last time he had heard that noise. 

“Drink?” He gestured as he poured himself another. 

“Uh, sure. Let me get a glass.” He disappeared and reappeared with an old MIT coffee mug he hoped was clean, but hey what did it matter if they were all going to die anyways? When he returned Hermann had become serious once again as he poured Newton a healthy amount.

“We both know the breach won’t work as we understand it now,” as he shifted to face Newt. “We might tell Pentecost something else to make everyone feel better, but I really don’t have an answer” He looked wistfully away at the board before quickly finishing his drink and looking again at Newt. Newt’s head was reeling as he tried to comprehend everything Hermann just told him. He downed his drink quickly, and stared at the chalkboard as he chose his next words carefully. Should he tell Hermann his true feelings since it was the end of the world and all? Or should he just tell him about the half-baked idea he’d been sitting on for ages, just waiting for the opportunity. He chose the second one. 

“I…I…I have an idea that might help…” 

“Yes?” 

“Uhm, well, I’m going to drift with a kaiju, I know the technology, there’s a bunch of spare Jager parts laying around the Shatterdome, I could build a device very easily, I’ve been thinking about it since we got that brain sample in. And now that your telling me the end is coming it seems like now or never.” He shrugged. Hermann stared at him in disbelief before slowly getting up to pace around the lab. Newt knew he only did this when he was upset and instantly regretted telling him anything. Hermann sighed loudly. He was staring at the ceiling. 

“Dr. Geiszler, I knew you were insane but this has reached a new low. In the 10 years I’ve worked with you this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you propose” Newton avoided looking at him, he never used his title unless it was serious. Hermann came closer and Newt stood up to meet him.  
“I’m going to do it. If your calculations are right, which I hope they are wrong for all our sakes, then we don’t have a choice. I know it will work and I don’t need your help” He could see the pleading in Hermann’s eyes as his voice got softer 

“Newton, I can’t let you do it, I’ll tell Pentecost if you try” Newt started to get angry, the alcohol was hitting him. 

“Can’t you see? This is our only option! The only things that know how the breach work are the kaiju, the only way to get that info is by drifting with a kaiju! And if I die so be it, I will die doing what I loved.” He said throwing his hands up in the air “hell, we don’t have any better ideas do we? We can’t bomb it; we’ve already done that, and look how well that worked. If that’s your only idea, it’s stupid” He could see Hermann’s expression change and he knew he shouldn’t have said that but at this point he didn’t care anymore, if we were all going to die what mattered. 

“Well if you die, at least I won’t have it on my conscience, because I’m not helping you and I will do everything in my power to stop you, Newton. I will not allow you to do this.” Hermann spat out at him. He turned and walked over to the table, “now that you have sufficiently ruined my night I will be going to bed. Good night Newton, I hope you don’t do anything else stupid before the morning.” 

He grabbed his bottle and Newton watched him walk out the door. He collapsed on the couch, “well, tomorrow should be interesting” he thought to himself as his brain whirled with the ideas for the kaiju drift machine, because if there’s anything you can’t tell Newton Geizler, it’s no.


	2. Obstacle 1

Hermann’s head was pounding as he got out of bed slowly. “What happened last night?” he groaned as it all suddenly came back to him in a blur. The five “un-celebratory” shots, the calculations, passing out vs. facing the end of the world, Newt drifting with a kaiju. He paused on the last part for a moment before deciding that yes, that was something Newton had brought up, and that he had gotten very angry at him about. He also knew that Newt did not take no for an answer, so he was worried none the less. He got dressed and quickly grabbed his giant coat, for he remembered he was meeting Newton on the deck to see the new kaiju shipments; because apparently, since he too was “K-Science”, people thought he cared about shipments. He didn’t, but he did like to know the news of day and what was going on in the Shatterdome. So up he went to the deck. It was raining of course; when wasn’t it? The sky was grey with the sun barely peeking out from behind the clouds. 

He walked over to Newt who was excitedly yelling at the workers moving the new kaiju shipments. Before he could say a word to Newt, his thoughts were drowned out by the sound of helicopter blades. He looked up to see who was disembarking onto the deck. “No, it definitely couldn’t be him, no one would come back to a Jager after that.” Hermann muttered to himself. He was older and rougher but there was no denying that was Raleigh Beckett. Hermann stared in shock, he had heard rumors of a new Jager pilot, had seen Gypsy Danger in the hangar, but did not believe them, for where would they get a pilot that didn’t need to be trained? Well, now he had his answer. He had the utmost respect for Raleigh, the neural load for one person was usually suicide, but he had managed it and now he was back, just in time. Newt interrupted these thoughts by yelling at him that it was time to go inside. The elevator ride was insufferable. Hermann was cold, wet, tired and his head still hurt and Newton had decided to be a goddamn fool. Which with Hermann’s mood he thought two could play at that game. It’s not like they were going to be fired or anything. Yes, it was childish and dumb, but at this point with the way he was feeling Hermann could give less of a shit. They walked back to the lab in silence.

Hermann tried to concentrate on his calculations but he couldn’t stop thinking about Newt’s plan. The tension in the lab was growing with each passing hour, between Hermann’s hangover, the fight last night and the elevator ride, it was not a good day to be in the K-Science Division. Hermann couldn’t take it anymore, he had to know how serious Newt had been last night, or if that was some off handed remark he had remembered badly. He quickly turned around and walked towards the middle of the lab. He found Newt concentrating very hard on some purple and blue kaiju guts that he was elbow deep in. 

He looked up, “Oh are you going to talk to me or just keep staring off like you’ve been doing all morning? Or maybe you’ll just insult me and come up with some new nicknames for me” he said, glaring, and clearly hurt about the elevator ride. 

“Did you even know who you were talking to? That was Raleigh Beckett, one of only two people to pilot a Jager solo, and one of our last hopes for this mission!”

“Woo, where was he between there and here? Obviously not helping us. So why should I give a shit? ” Newt said sarcastically. “Anyways what did you really want, I’m a little busy here.” He said staring down at the kaiju he was working on, avoiding Hermann’s eyes. 

“It’s about last night” Hermann said flatly trying to not show his true worry. 

“Yeah what about it?” 

“Are you really planning on doing it? Drifting with a fucking kaiju? I was hoping it was some drunk joke I had made”

“Uh yeah dude, like I said last night you got any better ideas? He said throwing his hands in the air, which made Hermann wince from the kaiju blue that was now on his side of the lab. “You know deep down bombing it again isn’t going to work”

“Like drifting a kaiju will?! I’ll have you know I have made some new calculations this morning that show it will work” 

“Yeah fucking right, you’re just saying that because you don’t want to admit you’re wrong and you’re out of ideas. I’m gonna do it and you’re not gonna stop me. If anything, you yelling at me is making me want to do it more, just to piss you off.” He said throwing his gloves in the trash can with a loud slap. “I’m going to lunch, I’ll see you at our meeting with Stacker later”

Hermann collapsed in his chair after Newt left. He was upset, not because he was trying to make a point, or trying to discredit Newt. He was afraid that Newt was going to kill himself in the process of proving Hermann wrong. He had been hiding his feelings for 10 years now and even on the verge of the end of the world he could not bring himself to say anything. Because he knew even in this extreme situation, Newt wouldn’t want him. He had wanted everyone else on staff, he’d seen that. But Hermann was older, stuffy...entirely not Newton’s type at all. His bickering came out of a place of love, never had he met anyone that would not back down from arguing. Most people conceded to Hermann eventually, especially once he started shouting. But Newt was different, he never gave up, he would admit you had a good point now and then and would agree to a draw, a to be continued. But would never truly lose his ground. It could be the last unconquered island in the world and Hermann would find Newton there arguing with the general trying to take it over. Hermann respected that about him in every way, expect for now the argument would be over when Newton was dead. He got up to make some tea, hoping to calm his still pounding head, while tried to prepare for the meeting with Stacker.

The meeting with Stacker and Herc had gone as well as Hermann was expecting, which was terribly. As he had done with Newton last night, he effectively conveyed that this was the final stand, that the kaiju would only get worse from here. And as he had on the elevator, he found he could not keep his mouth shut when Newt was talking, which evolved into a shouting match in the middle of the meeting. Which Hermann again didn’t care about, they needed him, and he only had one goal in mind, stopping Newt. Especially now that Newton had laid out his entire plan, going off the fact that the kaiju were clones, it sounded even more preposterous. By the end of the meeting, even though Hermann had “won” by submitting his report to Stacker, he had conceded there was nothing he could do about Newt. He knew in his heart that Newt was going to do it no matter what. It was entirely ridiculous and since it was only a piece of a brain Hermann was crossing his fingers it wouldn’t work or at least not injure Newton severely.

“Newton, I know that you're desperate to be right...so you've not wasted your life being a Kaiju groupie...but it's not going to work.”

“It is going to work, Hermann. And I'll tell you...something else. Fortune favors the brave, dude.” 

“You heard them. They won't give you the equipment and even if they did...you'd kill yourself.” 

Hermann walked quickly out the lab, not daring to look back at the expression on Newt’s face as he said that last part. He regretted it as quickly as he had said it, but was not willing to concede to Newt’s ridiculousness. He knew he couldn’t stop him but he wouldn’t be helping him either. It was a last-ditch attempt to make him realize his stupidity. Hermann retreated to his room after a quick dinner in the cafeteria. He had been nodding off and was desperate to sleep off the events of the day in the hopes of a better one tomorrow. As he undressed, he tried to think of everything but Newton, but his mind kept wandering back to him, wondering if he was working on the drift machine right this second? Luckily, he did not get very far with that thought, as he fell asleep right as he laid down.


	3. Obstacle 2

Hermann was swimming, that much he could tell. As he looked around, he panicked as he realized he was deep below the surface, where the light of the sun could barely reach. Moving around him were the outlines of kaiju. He could feel them brush against his legs; slimy against his body in the freezing ocean. As he looked out, the water began to change color; becoming a bright red against the dark blue around him. He could see Newt, drowning in front of him, pale and lifeless. He reached out, desperate to save him; but his body froze, refusing to move. He could only scream as the kaiju started circling Newt, lunging at him, mouths wide. 

He awoke in cold sweat, silently screaming Newt’s name. His dream was replaying in his head vividly. He had been having the same dream all week, ever since their meeting with Stacker, when he had accepted that Newton was going to drift with the kaiju brain despite his warnings and against his better judgement. He had been tormented more by these dreams each day that went by and as the pile of junk that made up Newt’s drift machine got bigger. His lack of sleep had not helped the situation in the lab; less words had been exchanged day by day with yesterday totaling up to 10. It made him sad, he actually missed talking to Newton, even if was to exchange snippy comments or argue about who was actually better at statistics. But he also knew they were both stubborn asses and this would be the one thing neither would back down on. As he slowly got out of bed to make his tea a sense of dread filled him when he realized his schedule. He had several LOCCENT meetings this morning which meant Newt would be unsupervised for several hours in the lab. This would be the day, he just hoped it would end with a drink and a smoke and not with a funeral. 

Of course he couldn’t concentrate on any of the meetings, his dream constantly replaying in his head. Silently praying that someone would walk by the lab or that Newton would have the courtesy to wait until he was done with his meetings to do it. As soon as the meetings were over he rushed towards the lab. When he reached the doorway, he paused. There was Newt, pale, slumped over and bleeding. 

“Goddammit” Hermann muttered as his heart stopped for a moment.

He hoped it wasn’t true as he flashed back to how Newton looked drowning in his dreams. He started yelling his name out of pure desperation as he fought back a tear when there was no response. 

“fuck…fuck…godammit….so stupid.. so stupid”

It was all his fault, he had pushed Newton to do this. All his comments about how he wasn’t a real scientist and how his research would never amount to anything. It was all his fault and now he couldn’t take it back, couldn’t apologize. He regretted every time he had gone too far, had attacked Newt’s character. He had finally reached him and bent down hoping to not confirm his suspicions. He put his hands around Newt’s shoulders and held him tightly, who knew if this would be the last chance he ever got? He was warm that was reassuring, it could not have been long, then he gasped and coughed. Hermann fell back in surprise, 

“you’re… you’re…alive… that’s incredible, really incredible!”

He managed to stand back up, unsure if Newt could hear him. 

“I’m, I’m, I’m gonna go get the Marshall okay? I’ll…I’ll be back in a second?” 

There was some kind of groan which Hermann took as an affirmative. He ran as fast as he could into the LOCCENT office, totally unaware of what was going on, the only thought on his mind was that Newt was alive, barely, and that he had done it. He had drifted with a kaiju. As he spat this all out at the Marshall, he saw his expression changed from upset, to bemused to highly concerned. When they got back to the lab, Hermann was running on pure adrenaline, he realized now with Newton still alive that he was still very much upset at him for trying it and scaring the shit out of him. Which he expressed in his normal way of yelling when Newt was talking, this earned him a sharp reprimand but was fully worth it. If he couldn’t tell him how he really felt, he could at least spare him some attention and some other angry words. His heart stopped when Pentecost asked Newt if he could do it again. On what? A whole brain? That would surely kill him. But what if there were two people? Hermann thought his mind racing with the possibilities. These thoughts were interrupted by the Marshall shoving a piece of paper in his hand. 

“Dr. Gottlieb, please escort Dr. Geiszler to medical and give them this paper. It tells them what tests they should run to make sure there is no permanent damage. You may just say it was a lab accident. Under no circumstances should you tell them what actually happened here. Understood?”

“Yes sir”

They walked silently to the medical department, no one daring to say a word. Too much had happened too quickly. Hermann felt tears welling up in his eyes every time he glanced over at Newton, so he had to stop. He was still so angry that he had done it, but eternally grateful that he was still alive. When they arrived, Hermann elected to stay in the waiting room, saying his orders were a full escort there and back. It was more that he didn’t want to let Newton out of his sight for the rest of the day, hell the rest of year, lest he do anything else stupid. His emotions still reeling from seeing Newton like that, so lifeless, so helpless. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Newt’s head was literally swimming as he waited in the tiny cold exam room for the nurse to come back. He had done it, and was still alive, at least he hoped because if this was purgatory it sure looked familiar and he didn’t want to be stuck with awkward Hermann for eternity. He could definitely taste blood in his mouth and feel his head pounding so he decided at least for now he was alive. He could still see all the kaiju in his brain, it’s like they were taunting him. It was very dark and cold in the water in his brain. He tried to think of the whole experience from beginning to end. He paused in the middle, when he had heard Hermann calling his name but he couldn’t respond. He heard the desperation in his voice and had Hermann…hugged him? He remembered feeling some kind of pressure on his shoulders but being unable to open his eyes, they were still too heavy. Newt suddenly realized what Hermann had seen when he walked in. Newt must have looked pretty dead, or at least very pale and unconscious. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about the last thing he said on the recording. He must delete that as soon as he got back to the lab. He didn’t really mean it, he was just tired of people, especially Hermann, not taking him seriously. It had been happening his whole life, and now on the eve of his greatest and stupidest achievement to hear it again was just too much. He wanted to get back at Hermann for everything, for all those stupid arguments, for ignoring him and for not accepting him, and if he had to die to do it so be it. It would probably be better than living an unrequited romance for the rest of his life. All he wanted was attention, and if Hermann wouldn’t willingly give it to him, he would make him give it to him. Make the biggest most annoying scene possible so he wouldn’t, couldn’t be ignored. But now, hearing his desperation, Newt was starting to think there was maybe more to Hermann than he thought. Maybe they were more alike than he previously thought. He wouldn’t go as far as thinking that Hermann shared his feelings, that was still too painful, too fresh. But maybe he was more of a close colleague, even a friend. He had heard it in his voice and had seen on it their walk here. Hermann could barely even look at him and when he did, Newt saw that his eyes were wet like he had been crying recently. He knew there was something there; he just hoped he had enough time to figure it out.


	4. Broken Arrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Everywhere you go I follow_   
>  _You treat me like a broken arrow_   
>  _I don't need this anymore_   
>  _But I follow, I follow_

* * *

Newt got up to grab his coat from the other side of the lab. He turned around to see Hermann staring at him mildly.

“One last smoke before you go?” Hermann offered, and Newt felt he could hear a tinge of sadness in his voice.

“Yeah sure, why not? They sure as hell can’t leave without me.” He replied with a smile.

Together they trudged up to their preferred spot overlooking the bay; luckily it wasn’t raining for once. Newt thought about the time he found Hermann up here, just trying to get away from it all. They had argued who’s spot it actually was before realizing they were there for the same reason, and agreed on a truce. Sometimes it was just all too much in the Shatterdome, day after day, attack after attack. So this was their quiet spot away from the rest of the war.  
Newt lit his and offered Hermann the lighter, since he always conveniently “forgot” his, which Newt didn’t mind. He liked knowing he could at least provide one important thing to Hermann. They stood in silence for a moment staring out at the ocean.

“Newton, there’s…”

“Hermann, I” Newt said at the same time interrupting him.

“You go first”

“No, you go first. You always have more to say”

“That is not true, I am very concise”

Newt snorted, “Fine, I’ll go first. I just wanted to say thanks for helping me back there with the drift and all that.

I…I…I know I probably looked…de…like shit when you walked in.” He grabbed the rail to steady his shaking hands. “I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t mean to drag you into it. You….you saved my life dude, so yeah…thanks for that…or something.”

Hermann took another drag from his cigarette and waved his hand, “You were being extremely stupid, but I just did what anyone else would do, given the situation. However, you’re welcome for whatever you perceived happened”

Newt shrugged, “Well, thanks anyways.” He thought about how he had been drowning in the drift, surrounded by kaiju, the world becoming darker until he had felt Hermann grabbing him, pulling him from the depths. “It's your turn for talking.”

“No, no, it’s not important now”

“Come on man, if I said something super awkward so do you.”

“I was just going to say I….I…I want you to be careful in Hong Kong. You are dealing with very dangerous people and I would like you to be careful. You don’t know their intentions or what they could be capable of.”  
  


* * *

As soon as Hermann watched the helicopter leave towards Hong Kong, his brain started running again. He convinced himself that he could not allow Newton to drift with the kaiju alone, but how could he guarantee it wouldn’t kill them both? He also knew he was working on a desperate time scale; according to his calculations there should be a double event and a triple event within the next few hours. Once he got back to the lab he pulled up all the research he could find on what made someone drift compatible, and why those first Jaeger tests didn’t work. Being incompatible for the Jaeger program, him on account of his leg and Newt on account of, well, not being able to focus on anything for longer than two minutes, they had not taken the drift tests; so Hermann had nothing to go on in that respect. But somehow, he knew that looking at the incredibly long lists of traits was useless. He didn’t want to readily admit it, but he just felt that him and Newton were drift compatible. It made him uncomfortable because he didn’t have any data or tests to go off of; it was simply a feeling, but a very strong one. For once in his life he didn’t need numbers to tell him the truth, he just knew. As he continued to read his conviction that he must go to Hong Kong to drift with the kaiju became clearer. The first jaeger tests didn’t work because trying to combine a human brain with something that large could not be done, it literally could not comprehend the scale. Kaiju were even larger than jaegers, and intelligent as well. Hermann thought back painfully to how Newton had looked after drifting with the small piece of brain. One human brain would not be able to handle a whole kaiju brain, especially one that was talking back. There would be absolutely no way he would survive that, so it was up to Hermann to actually do something for once.

As he walked to the Marshall’s office, Hermann could not remember a time he felt more nervous, not defending his thesis, not seeing a kaiju, not meeting Newton for the first time, nothing made him feel the way as the literal weight of the world on his shoulders. He also knew that bombing the breach would not work either, so he had to admit that entire world rested on him and Newton’s plan. He had reached the door and knocked softly.

“Come in” he heard a voice muffled through the door.

Hermann pushed open the door and the Marshal looked up, surprised.

“Doctor Gotliebb, I wasn’t expecting to see you,” He gestured towards a chair, “Please sit down, what would you like to discuss?”

“It’s about Ne..Dr. Geizler, sir. He cannot drift with that kaiju in Hong Kong alone. It will absolutely kill him. If that was the effect that a small piece of brain had on him, I’m sure you can imagine the effects of a complete specimen sir.”

He sat in thought for a moment

“And what do you propose I do about it Doctor?”

“When we get confirmation that the kaiju is down, I would like you to send me to Hong Kong to meet Dr. Geizler and assist him in drifting with the kaiju.”

Pentecost raised his eyebrows and leaned forward

“Are you telling me that you also want to drift with the kaiju? How do you know you’ll even be compatible? Neither of you have had any testing done, and if you aren’t you will both probably die because you won’t be sharing the load.”

“Want is a strong word. I will do whatever is necessary to assist this final effort. As for the compatibility; yes, I know, there is no empirical evidence that says it is possible. All I can say Marshal is that I know, somehow, that we are compatible. I know it is only a hunch and not very accurate, but at this point I will take that risk over the alternatives. I believe drifting is the best chance we have at the moment.”

Pentecost considered this for a few moments.

“I have seen you two verbally fight for over ten years, and although not traditional I will consider it equal. I will allow you to go to Hong Kong to assist Dr. Geizler. I can only hope you are right.”

“Thank you, sir, we will do our best.”

As soon as he heard the alarm, Hermann hurried towards the LOCCENT deck; he knew it was the double event, but he also hoped he wasn’t right for once. He watched the fight unfold and the jaegers fall and he thought about how it had been a long 12 years of the Kaiju War. At some point, he had become numb to the whole thing, probably when his father publicly endorsed the Wall of Life, and the Jaeger program was in fast decline. There was no use dwelling when there was work to be done. No time to mourn or think of the alternatives. He often considered why he stayed, why him and Newton were the only ones left when their other colleagues had abandoned them. When he looked back, he could see that it had always been just them. The only ones crazy enough, bored enough, stubborn enough to take on an impossible war as a problem. The PPDC was high risk, low reward; with poor living conditions and the constant threat of danger. There had been many hopefuls at the beginning, but as the war dragged on they filtered out, moved on to private industry or back to academia. But Hermann couldn’t let it go, he couldn’t go back to his old life and pretend none of this ever happened. The war had changed him and he was determined to see it though. He had grand successes and even greater failures, but he couldn’t leave it. He knew there was no one that could replace him. And Newt, the one decorated with the enemy, this had become his life’s work, his obsession. Hermann often said out loud how Newton’s tattoos were garish, insensitive and stupid. But he understood why he had them, it was to feel something, even if only for a couple of hours. To feel like progress was being made, to convert the pain of war into art, to classify and defuse the danger. Everyone had their way of coping. Hermann’s was more private. He had taken to drinking the first years, but he quickly realized that wasn’t going to work out, so he threw himself into his work. Reading, writing and not sleeping. Though there were many nights where he just stared at the ceiling until he eventually fell asleep. Now on the eve on what might be the end of the war, Hermann realized he had never thought about after, he didn’t have time. There had never been an after, only a now. What would happen to him after? What would happen to them? How do you tell someone you’ve pretended to hate for 10 years that you can’t live without them? That life would be unbearably silent without them?

He could not think about after for very long, because shouts of “it’s heading for Hong Kong” broke his concentration.

Otachi was headed directly for the middle of Hong Kong.

“Oh god” Hermann whispered to himself. It was looking…no, it was hunting Newton down.

“Goddamit” he thought. Of course, the drift went both ways, of course the kaiju had seen Newt in their mind and now wanted to find him. Whatever small bits of information Newt had seen about the kaiju, they had seen about Newt and humans. They probably knew what ever Newt knew and Hermann suddenly regretted exposing them to someone so…well Newt-like. Now that he had touched them they wanted to touch back and probably absorb him and all of his information that was useful to their operation. Hermann could only hope that Newton was safe and that the kaiju would not destroy him, as he was of interest to them. That was one thought he would not entertain. He headed back to the lab to grab his coat, as everyone was heading outside. He carefully avoided gazing at the piece of brain tissue that Newt had drifted with. What did the kaiju know about him? And what would he soon learn about them? He was nervous about the drift, but he knew there was no other way; the plan would not work without them.

It was raining, as usual, as Hermann joined everyone else on the landing pad. He watched as Otachi fell from the sky like a blue meteor, sealing his destiny. As the Marshal gave him the order he knew that this was it. There were only two options, the end of the war or the end of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! School and life caught up to me the last couple of months but I'm glad to be back!  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Breezeblocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Muscle to muscle and toe to toe_   
>  _The fear has gripped me but here I go_   
>  _My heart sinks as I jump up_   
>  _Your hand grips hand as my eyes shut_
> 
> _Please don't go, please don't go_  
>  _I love you so, I love you so_  
>  _Please break my heart..._

Dr. Newton Geizler, holder of 6 Ph.D’s and certified kaiju groupie, was having the worst fucking day of his life. He’d been stabbed in the nose, been an inch away from some kaiju tongue, and had almost been eaten by said kaiju’s baby. All in all, not a great day. Now he was anxiously setting up his junky drift rig to again drift with the kaiju, which he could not forget had almost killed him yesterday if it had not been for his insufferable lab partner. Here he had to pause.

“This drift would probably be better - I mean, safer if Hermann was here.” he thought.

Newt had only drifted with part of a dead kaiju brain in the lab and look where that had gotten him, drooling on the floor with a messed up eye and a bloody nose. Now he was going to try a freshly dead, almost fully developed brain? God, he was stupid sometimes. He should have just asked Hermann when they were standing on the deck, he would have said yes, Newt knew that. He could see the fear in his eyes when he picked Newt up off the floor the first time. Hermann would have given anything not to see that again and Newt knew it. But Newt couldn’t do it; he couldn’t pull Hermann into his stupid suicidal plans.  Those were his alone and Hermann didn’t deserve it. He’d put up with Newt for 10 years already and that was enough; he wouldn’t ask Hermann to give up everything just for him. He’d drifted once, and he was fine - at least that’s what he told himself. Nevermind that he couldn’t turn the lights off in his room, or could barely sleep at all. All he could see in the dark was the bright luminesce of the kaiju, searching for him desperately coming after him. Yep, he was totally totally fine; just a bloody nose, that’s all it was. He was so engrossed in his work he barely noticed the helicopter landing nearby; that is, until a familiar voice started yelling at him from an impossible distance. Newt was elated and frustrated - but mostly frustrated. Did Hermann really come all this way to tell him about how it’s a double event and not a triple?

 “Like come on man there’s not some poor LOCCENT tech you could take this out on? You had to specifically tell me? Me?!” He felt like yelling at Hermann. 

“I’ve come to help you drift with the kaiju.  That’s what the jager pilots do, they share the neural load.”

Well that shut Newt right up, Hermann had come to Hong Kong for _him,_ of his own volition to do something extremely dangerous.

 “Well okay,” said the voice of doubt in Newt’s head,” I don’t think it as anything to do with you, but maybe saving the rest of the world?”

“Maybe,” Newt replied, but Hermann has also surmised that we are drift compatible, he wouldn’t do something so dangerous without having all the facts. But that was a fact Newt had come to a long time ago when he first toyed with drifting. Of course they were drift compatible; in his mind it wasn’t even a question. They had fought for so long without either backing down, and after seeing the fights for the Jager pilots Newt decided it was the logical conclusion, no extra testing necessary. Hermann would drift with the kaiju, for him, _with_ him, and that filled Newt with hope and anxiety as his thumb hovered over the button that would take them into the unknown.

The Drift. The Drift took him by surprise again, like hitting a dark tunnel going very fast and then being brought out into the light except the light was blue and memories were flashing by and Newt felt like he was on a bullet train. First it was his memories: fishing with his dad, his time at MIT, getting his first sleeve done; all a blur passing quickly by. Then it was Hermann’s, too smart for his own good, he’d channeled that hurt into armor and determination, where Newt had embraced the attention into bravado and a show. Then the kaiju: giant, powerful. Newt could feel their animalistic urges pushing down on him encouraging him to hunt, to destroy. He saw now that they were just like Jager’s, large robots used for others interests. He saw the breach, glowing, pulsing. It was strangely beautiful, like a volcano when you are far enough away. He felt himself being pulled away, sucked back into reality, the drift quickly fading away. He wasn’t on the ground so that was a success. Another bloody nose, but he’d take it over the alternatives. Hermann definitely wasn’t doing as well and Newt could only imagine what he had looked like after that first one. But he knew, he knew how to end the war. The breach, the kaiju, the Jaegers. All of it, over. And as he looked at Hermann he knew they had to end it together. They did not talk on the helicopter ride over, Newt was too focused on what awaited them, and didn't even want to focus on what the Drift had shown him about Hermann. That could wait for later. Newt took off running as soon as they got off the helicopter, but he stopped suddenly in the hallway, this wasn’t right. He ran back to help Hermann, they had gotten this far together, and he wouldn’t let them stop there. They were saving the goddamn world, and that needed both of them together. The next few minutes became a blur in Newt’s mind. He’d pushed Hanson out of the way, had he called him a fascist? That must have been his old punk days coming out of him again, and emotions running high. He didn’t mind honestly, it wouldn’t matter what he called him if the plan worked. There had been a triple event, and Newt begrudgingly said Hermann was right and Hermann ,for once, was not excited about it. The collective breath everyone had held for Mako and whatever his name was, as they came back from the depths. And finally the breach was closed, actually closed. And that godforsaken clock that Newt just thought was the worst gimmick, finally stopped. There was congratulations all around and out of the corner of his eye Newt could see Hermann scooting closer and closer to him. He could feel the Drift between them, and he was scared for a second. He was scared that if he held Hermann now he would never let go, that they were never meant to be apart again. But he did it anyways, putting his arm around his shoulders; because he still wasn’t brave enough to go for a full hug, especially not in front of everyone. Newt knew he had seen a lot in the Drift, but he hadn’t sifted it all out, and he had no idea what Hermann had seen or what Hermann had been thinking this whole time. As everyone filed out of LOCCENT, probably to go the party that had already started, Newt reluctantly let go of Hermann, and turned to face him. He felt like everything had changed but it all still felt the same.

“Hermann.”

“Newton.”

They said it at the same time. Newt decied to take the lead.

“I say shower, lab, alcohol. In that order. I know you still have some of that whiskey left” He tried to give a knowing wink but chose the wrong eye and got a headache instead.

Hermann looked at him curiously.

“Why the lab and not the party? That seems more like your….place”

Newt shrugged, he didn’t want to tell Hermann it was because he couldn’t bare to leave him alone right now. That he felt still connected and that he wasn’t sure what would happen when they went their separate ways, currently and in the future.

 “Nah, too many people for right now, its been a long day, besides I hardly like anyone besides you and Mako.”

Hermann still didn’t look convinced

 “Please?” Newt added trying to not look as desperate as he felt. Hermann rolled his eyes in the way he only did for Newt.

 “I suppose it does not sound like a bad plan. I will see you soon then.” and then he walked away leaving Newt alone with his thoughts for the first time today.

 As he trudged to his room, exhausted, Newt could hear the sounds of partying echoing through the Shatterdome. As for himself, he felt like cheering. He felt like crying. He felt every emotion he could think of plus a few more. He finally reached his room and flopped down on the bed. God it felt good to stop for a second, to pause. He took off his shoes and tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He went to the bathroom mirror and damn he looked like hell. His eye was bloodshot and his nose was still periodically bleeding. He’d cracked his glasses and gotten dirt in his hair. He looked like his worst hangover times a hundred and he felt like it too. But he was alive; he was here. He looked down at his arms.  _Oh man, the tattoos._ He saw himself converting to a lot of long-sleeved shirts here in the future. When he’d gotten them, he hadn’t cared because somewhere in the back of his mind there was a doubt, a certainty that they would not win, that it wouldn’t matter what he had chosen to decorate himself with when the world was destroyed. He’d never considered winning because it honestly wasn’t an option. Yeah, he wanted it, he wanted to survive; but you didn’t need to be a statistican to see that the odds were slim. Yet, here he was in the aftermath, barely of course, they had seen a goddamn Category 5 tonight that could have taken them all out. He got into the shower and he finally felt free the water hitting his back. He started to cry, for everyone and everything. For the Jagers and the kaiju. For people from today and people long forgotten.  He had to admit to himself that he did feel a little guilt about being an important piece in destroying what he had studied for so long. He didn’t know they were a hivemind, and he could feel a slight humming inside his head still. If he could he would have kept them, studied them, understood them. He knew he couldn’t, that it was useless to consider, but he still cried for them too.

He got out of the shower and got dressed with whatever was on the floor in the closet; he had hardly been out of the lab in two weeks. He sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about the Drift, about Hermann. He tried to go back to that moment remember what he had seen. He had seen Hermann teased at school, too smart for his own good. He saw Hermann in college, already acting the grumpy professor type, but he could see now it was a defense. Make people think you’re older so they can’t make fun of you. Then Hermann in the beginning writing Newt e-mails late at night, fighting the time difference, feeling like he had finally met someone he saw eye to eye with, someone with whom he could share his knowledge. And then suddenly Newt felt the crushing disappoint that had followed their first meeting. He realized he sounded a lot more coherent over email then in person, and of course Hermann hated him then. He was not what his title or 6 Ph.D’s always predicted of him. Then a blend of their memories together, cue montage of bitter lab placement battles, late night arguments and forcing everyone else out until they had the place to themselves. The time Newt and his samples had gotten stopped by customs and neither of them got any actual work done while separated but kept up their arguments over email. Despite Hermann’s numerous formal complaints he had never moved out, and Newt had never even dared to request anyone else. There was the dumb mugs they had both gotten each other for Christmas one year and the shared books cluttering the coffee table in the back. And then most recently, the first drift, Newt finally got to see Hermann’s persepective, and he cried again. There he was seizing and bleeding on the floor, completely lost to the Drift. And Hermann desperately shaking him, on the verge of tears, like his life depended on it. And then angry because he had almost killed himself and made Hermann watch. Newt cried harder when he realized that Hermann had probably heard what he thought would be his last words to him. That it was Hermann’s fault; but it wasn’t. It truly wasn’t. He didn’t even know why he said that, honestly. It was a mixture of annoyance and nerves, not being able to say what he truly meant so saying something mean instead.  His own defense. Well, now he had a second chance to fix it, to mean it. Because now he knew that Hermann loved him back, and he had this whole time; they were just both too stubborn to say it. Too concerned about the war to want to risk it. Not focused on the future. But the future was now, and Newt had a second chance; and he wasn’t about to waste it. He grabbed the sake he had hiding under his bed and headed towards to lab, determined to make up for his mistakes.

He walked into the lab carefully avoiding eye contact with the kaiju brain specimen. He found Hermann on the couch, already half a glass of whiskey in. He raised the glass to Newt,

“How nice of you to join me!”

“Well we agreed, didn’t we?” Newt settled down on the opposite side of the couch - he didn’t dare get too close - and poured his sake into the cup Hermann had left out. They sat in silence for way too many moments for Newt to feel comfortable. He wished the Drift had some kind of telepathic component, because he would kill to know what Hermann was thinking right now, what he had seen.

“Did you ever think we would make it this far?” Hermann asked suddenly, staring off into the distance.

“Honestly, no.”

“What do you think you will do now? Now that we’ve…..won.” He turned to face Newt.

Newt couldn’t look Hermann in the eye. There was too much to tell. He shrugged and took another swig of sake.

 “I….I….I don’t know. I just destroyed my own research field and probably took a piece of my brain with it. And to be honest, it scares the living hell out of me. You won’t be surprised to hear that most of my decisions rested on the world ending, not on surviving,” He sighed and swirled the glass in his hand, “I guess I’ll try to be normal again, whatever the fuck that means.  Get a job somewhere with research capabilities - because god knows they’ll dissolve this place as soon as they get the chance - get an apartment, buy a fish tank. Try not to think so hard, act like everything is okay. You know, the normal things people do.”

 He poured himself another.  This was too much already.  He was over being victorious. It was easy to fight, harder to survive.

Hermann finished his drink and awkwardly patted Newt’s shoulder.

“ Would it be…..easier…..together?” he asked softly, the last word barely a whisper. And then Newt knew what Hermann had seen in the Drift. He had seen Newt waking up early to write and write and write, because no one at MIT would listen to him anymore.  He saw Newt defending Hermann’s research when he wasn’t around, under the guise of not letting a fellow scientist down.  He also saw Newt making him tea when he knew he was sick; and lastly, Newt’s last words to Hermann.

 “I’m….I’m….sorry.  I’m sorry I said it, you must have heard it or seen it by now. I didn’t mean it, what I said before the Drift. It wasn’t you, you didn’t push me. I pushed myself. I just wanted to be taken seriously and that was the last straw...” he felt himself beginning to cry and Hermann’s arm wrapping around his shoulders as they shook.

“... I know you didn’t mean it.” Hermann said as he put Newt’s glasses on the table and waited for him to stop sobbing. When Newt had finally composed himself, he poured himself another glass of sake because this was going to be the worst part.

“To answer your question, yes it would be easier together. I never knew how to, how to tell you; but I don’t think I could live without you.” He put his glasses back on because even cracked they were better to see Hermann’s face with.

 “I understa- I understand if you don’t want to, like if you decide its too much, because I’m definitely too much; and like, without the war, if there’s nothing else to concentrate on, like its cool if you just leave or whatever” Newt could feel Hermann’s grip tightening on his shirt and his own chest tightening because now he was rambling and it was all over.

“Like I get it, I totally do.  You’re gonna be a lot more intact than I am – probably - and no one wants a kaiju groupie, and…” He didn’t get much further because suddenly he was there, his lips on Hermann’s lips.  His body took a moment to catch up, before his hand stumbled onto Hermann’s sweater to steady himself.

“You goddamn fool, I will never leave you.” he heard Hermann whisper before they kissed again. Part of him wondered if he had actually died, or if he had just passed on his bed and never made it to the lab.

“Yo- you would do that for me?” he whispered as he rested his head on Hermann’s shoulder.

“Of course”

Newt laughed.

“I’m oblivious aren’t I?”

“Yes, but I consider it part of your charm.”

 “Wrong place, wrong time wasn’t it?”

“I suppose, but it also brought us to now didn’t it?” Newt felt Hermann put run his hand through his hair and asked himself again if he had died.

“I’m alive right? Like this isn’t some kind of Drift coma or fever dream? I’m not in some medical ward with you crying over my body right?” Hermann laughed.

“You know I wouldn’t be crying, but yelling at every doctor that came by.”

“Hey, I saw some watery eyes the last time we went to medical!”

Hermann sighed, “In my defense, you were bleeding and seizing on the ground, it was the obvious conclusion.”

Newt wrapped his arms around Hermann, and put his head on his chest, the sake finally taking effect.

“Love you Herms.” he said sleepily. It had been the worst and best day of his life. Hermann ruffled his hair,

“I love you too Newton. Shall we go to bed?”

“Dude, I’ve had a terrible fucking day and I’m not really in the mood.” he said blearily. He heard an audible sigh

“You disgust me Newton, I meant we could just sleep in the same bed, since I refuse to let you out of my sight.”

“That sounds great, your room though,” he slurred, sleep threating to claim him right there on the couch, “It's closer.”

“It's cleaner.” Hermann rebutted.

Newt barely remembered getting to Hermann’s room or being helped into bed, because he’d had 4 sakes to Hermann's one whiskey. But he did remember the feel of Hermann’s arms around him on the edge of sleep; and in that moment, he was content. The war had been worth it, and he had finally gotten his reward. This was all he needed, all he would ever need. As long as they were together, nothing else mattered. It had taken him 10 years and one Drift to realize it, but now nothing could take that away.


	6. Tessellate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Triangles are my favorite shape_   
>  _Three points where two lines meet._   
>  _Toe to toe, back to back, let's go_   
>  _My love it's very late._   
>  _'Til morning comes, let's tessellate._

 The tattoo gun stopped its constant buzzing and Jin wiped away the last of Newt’s blood.

“All done” she said.

 Newt swung his legs off the table to look at his new thigh. There was Otachi, wings spread wide looking as terrifying and beautiful as he remembered. He had decided that Otachi would be the last one, in memorial both of the kaiju and of the Drift, of saving the world.

“What are you going to do with all that extra space now?” Jin asked while wrapping up Newt’s leg.

He laughed, “I’ll get something nice, maybe some flowers, an eagle, something traditional, or I’ll save it, just in case” he winked.

She rolled her eyes, and then hugged him.

“I’m gonna miss you and your stupid kaiju”

“I know, but now you can get back to the regular tattoos everyone else wants. I’ll send you a postcard, and I promise if I ever want another one I won’t go to anyone else”

She smiled and let go, “Good luck, Newt”

“Thanks, I’m probably going to need it”

As he started taking his pants off that evening, Newt heard a sound of disgust.

“So that’s where you were all day” said Hermann from the desk.

“Hey its only one, I could have gotten all five you know, besides it’s the only one that mattered” He unwrapped the saran wrap to give Hermann a better look.

“Absolutely disgusting” he scoffed, but Newt saw a small smile form in his lips. He kissed Hermann’s forehead

 “I know you love them” he whispered in Hermann’s ear “I’ve seen your thoughts” which earned him a shove and he laughed. “You’re cute when you’re mad” he teased at Hermann.

Newt was trying to make the most of their last week in the Shatterdome, they were moving to Seattle next week, having both accepted research positions at the University. They had fielded plenty of offers but he could not seem to tear himself away from the idea of the ocean. Whether this was some underlying kaiju instinct or the fact that he had lived on the Pacific for about 10 years now he didn’t want to dwell on. The last two months in the Shatterdome had been a whirlwind of funerals, ceremonies and briefings. The Shatterdome was being reduced to a skeleton crew to monitor systems and perform regular maintenance on Jagers and the building. There was no need for the heroes now, all the work had been done. Newt sighed as he looked around the lab and finished writing his name on the last box. He had lived in this awful place for so long, it held so many memories, both good and bad. It had been the site of what he considered his worst failures and ultimately his best triumph, but god was he ready to leave. He was ready to be able to look out a window every once in a while, eat different foods, and share a bed but not a lab with Hermann. Biology and math didn’t really mix when it came to actual objects.

“Feeling nostalgic?” he heard Hermann ask from behind him.

“Nah, just finishing up this last box, and trying not to think about how I haven’t lived anywhere with windows for 10 years” Hermann came to stand beside him

“The weather will still be the same”

“Rain, rain, rain, rain and more rain. But you never brought up any options that weren’t next to the ocean either?”

“It…..it….didn’t seem right to be so far away”

Newt looked at him, he was staring wistfully away in the distance. It seemed as though there would still be much to figure out between them.

Newt was also excited to be moving out of Hermann’s room, which he had pretty much taken residence up in since the Drift. He had periodically tried sleeping in his room, or in the lab, so he didn’t feel so dependent on Hermann, but it hadn’t really worked. It was the Drift all over again, he needed Hermann there to share his part of the load. Without him, Newt was tortured by visions and nightmares. He couldn’t even turn off the lights before getting flashbacks of Hong Kong.

 They landed in Seattle that night and Newt collapsed on the gloriously large hotel bed the PPDC had provided for them. They were still heroes after all.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” he mumbled into the sheets.

 “Looking at the apartments I pulled up because they won’t pay for this hotel forever” said Hermann.

“Oh god we’re going to be _domestic adults._ I guess that’s what normal people do huh? Go on with their lives.”  

He felt Hermann sit on the bed next to him. “Its what people have been doing this whole time, its just our turn to join them.”

“It’s going to be weird not being….there”

“Part of us will always be there Newton, but I think the rest of us should focus on being here”

Newt flipped over on his back to see Hermann’s face

“I think I’m gonna focus on your nice face” He says grabbing Hermann’s shirt to pull him down onto the bed, kissing him all the way there.

 

* * *

 

 

Newt paced nervously in the front of the lecture hall as students started to file in. They had agreed to co-teach a course on the history and science of the Kaiju War. Teaching didn’t bother him, in fact he kind of liked it and he had plenty of practice at MIT. It was the fact that Hermann was right there staring at the laptop and he was expected to act all professional and _not_ argue or kiss him to death. God this was going to be an experience. He took a seat in the front row away from any eager students because they had agreed earlier that Hermann would go over the syllabus in all its stuffy formality.  Hermann started promptly at 1 and Newt let his mind wander, thinking back to all his days stuck in similar classrooms, stuck in core requirements sleeping or daydreaming about his next project. He doesn’t even know exactly what Hermann said, but he was wrong and damn if he wasn’t going to correct him for academic integrity. He forgets where he is and goes full out on Hermann and in his head, he’s back in the lab and it’s been a long week. The world is tinted blue and before he knows it he’s gone and chased a memory, a bad one at that, but it’s too late he’s gone. An excruciating 50 minutes of arguing goes by and once all the students leave Newt just sits down on the stage, hands shaking. Hermann stares at him from a chair in the front row.

“Do you know where you are?” he asks mildly.

“A lecture hall?”

“And when did you realize that?”

Newt looks around, the blue slowly fading from his vision.

“Probably about a minute ago, honestly”

“Do you have any recollection of the last 50 minutes”

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?” Newt said defensively getting up from the floor, hands still shaking.

“We had an argument, I was explaining to you the differences in kaiju respiratory systems and then Stacker walked in….oh” Newt ended softly, defeated he sat back down and ran his hands under his glasses.

 He heard Hermann get up and felt his hand on his shoulder.

 “I chased a RABIT didn’t I?”

“Yes, but luckily I don’t think anyone was any the wiser. I sat down eventually once you apparently stopped arguing with me”

 “So you don’t think we’ll get any angry emails from our department heads?”

 “No, in fact we might get a commendation, it’s apparently already hitting the school social media. I think you just became the most popular professor on campus, Dr. Geizler”

Newt choked out a laugh from behind the tears starting to form.

“You should take it man. Take the whole class. I wasn’t joking about taking a part of my brain out earlier. Apparently just being that close to you is enough to ruin me.”

He heard Hermann laugh in response.

“I think you were ruined much before me, and the students will be mightily disappointed to just see me show up on Wednesday”

“I’m fucked up dude, like what, what if I do that every class? What if I lose myself when I’m supposed to be doing something important or dangerous? What if I say something I don’t mean?”

“Then I will forgive you, and I assure you the next class will be better. I have not seen anyone as dedicated to fixing his mistakes as you. You require time to adjust. We have both….been through a lot…”

Newt took the handkerchief out of Hermann’s outstretched hand and blew his nose, and laughed weakly

“Understatement of the century there, dude”

“See you are already returning to your frustrating self. Patience, Newton, patience”

“Well I’m afraid that’s always been in short supply Herms” he said, feeling a small smile return to his lips.

Hermann rolled his eyes and sighed “Well, please try to synthesize some more soon, it would be of great use, to everyone”

“Aye, aye captain” Newt replied, jumping off the stage and giving Hermann a fake salute. “Shall we return to our quarters?”

They walked back to their apartment on the edge of campus, bickering the whole way.

 

* * *

 

 

The semester was ending and Hermann suggest a walk to their favorite spot near campus. It had been an interesting two years, Newt finally felt the panic of looking for another kaiju going down and him and Hermann had settled into a “normal” routine. They had forced themselves to work on the same hours as everyone else in the world, although neither of them still slept much and still could be found on campus late at night, working always working. Newt didn’t think they would ever learn how to relax, ten years under war conditions always dealing with the last failure looking for the next breakthrough had pushed them to the edge and there was a certain thrill to being there. Their favorite spot was a bench that over looked Pudget Sound, and in the far distance Newt could just make out The Wall.

“It had already been built so no reason to tear it down I guess. But god was it ugly, just really ruins the natural beauty. Doesn’t fucking work anyways” Newt thought to himself as he sat down.

He took a deep breath and leaned back against the bench, that was the war talking again, The Wall didn’t matter anymore, the kaiju didn’t matter anymore, the only thing that mattered was this bench and the man sitting next to him. So, he tried to focus on that. Hermann stretched out his legs and put his arm on the back of the bench around Newt’s shoulders. He stared out at the Sound.

“Newton, there’s been something, I’ve been thinking about”

Newt could feel his anxiety rise to the top of his chest, he didn’t know what Hermann was talking about.

He coughed nervously “And, and uh, what would that be about?”

“We have managed to live together now for two years without killing each other, and I think the benefits quite outweigh any risk, which is extremely low seeing that we’ve known each other for almost 12 years now…”

Newt grabbed Hermann’s shoulder and shook it violently

“Are you, are you, are you asking me to MARRY you?! Like for real right now, real life marriage? But hey I’m not changing my name okay? Like my publication cred will go way down if I change my name, and its sooooo much work, but wow I would have never guessed Hermann, that you would be into the whole marriage thing. Like as an institution its ridiculous and completely biased against single people. Anyways, I just thought we were going to be really sexy roommates for all eternity”

“Yes I am, but…I….”

Newt interrupted him with a forceful kiss on the lips, he was ready to burst. Hermann Gottlieb wanted to marry him. Him! Remembering he had interrupted Hermann Newt pulled away.

 “So you’re for real, for real?” he excitedly asked.

“Yes, I assure you I am “For real for real” as you so put it. However, I did take the liberty of not buying you a ring as it would be as soon lost inside a petri dish as soon as you put it on. I trust you have your own way of dealing with that” he said looking pointedly at Newt’s forearms.

“Oh…oh…yeah…I can take care of that” Newt replied with a wink. “I’m definitely going to get you one though, I know you’ll never lose it”

It had been a small ceremony with only their old Shatterdome friends and a few colleagues in attendance. But finally, Newt felt like he could exhale, not holding his breath for the next attack, or for the moment Hermann decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. They were together now, forever. On the path he hadn’t let himself ever dwell on, even when it was only letters, because he was sure he would be dead before he was ever married. The future had always been pushed aside for the now, the immediate. Until the moment that Hermann had asked him and the future became a reality and he could see it all ahead of him. It felt like he had a gotten a second chance to redo everything, to make up for all his previous mistakes and stupidity. He made more than one vow that day. The first being that he would love Hermann forever, which was a promise had made 10 years ago silently, and the second being that he would not screw it up this time. 

 

“Hey! Dr. Geizler! I like your new tattoo” said Lian his second favorite grad student.

Newt glanced down at his left hand and back at her, he knew he was blushing. There was a small black ring right where it was supposed to be.

“Thanks, Lian”

He pretended not to notice the secret high-fives or the exchange of money from bets placed years ago. Apparently, him and Hermann were the life of the gossip party at UW and their arguing kept enough people guessing that when they showed up the next semester with a new tattoo and a new ring, it didn’t take long to make the connection. Newt didn’t mind, he’d been whispered about his entire life.

The years went on and his memories and luckily his nightmares started to fade into the past. Newt focused on replacing them with new ones, of him and Hermann arguing about the new X-Files remake, walking together on campus, and falling asleep in his arms every night. Their Kaiju War class quickly became the most popular on campus, and himself and Hermann minor celebrities. They had no shortage of grad students, or research assistants despite them being both “hard as hell” and “intensely demanding” as described on ratemyprofessor.com. This is all the things Newt had wanted, had dreamed about when the days had been dark. And he had Hermann to share it all with, together.

And there was no place else he’d rather be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, five years later this is finally done and out of my head.  
> Thank you everyone for reading, kudoing and commenting.  
> Be sure to check out my other works!


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